i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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