Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
