I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
