addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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