don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
