how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
