Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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