I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
