Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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