I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
