thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
