mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
