....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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