don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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