He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
