We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
