When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
