did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
