You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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