My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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