I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
