i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize