I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
