I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
