Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
