i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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