I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize