I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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