Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
