Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
