Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
