I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
