my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
