I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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