Umm I'm too high to move.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
