They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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