she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My feet surprised me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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