My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Boobs are out for the taking
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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