90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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