wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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