Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
be right there i have to get my cape
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize