I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
