The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
