Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
