So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
