No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
