You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
