im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
