dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He did a backflip because drugs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize