Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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