there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
