don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
