Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
