Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You are a genius and a whore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
