OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
