I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize