well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
