Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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