it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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